冰刀双人组
我要他 I'll take him.
吉米麦克罗伊 当他完美演出旋转动作后 Jimmy MacElroy. The crowd swooning as he comes out of that spin flawlessly.
观众为他神迷 观众爱他,他也爱观众 They are giving him the love and he is giving it right back.
世界冬季运动会
来囉 Here it comes.
他办到了! And he nails it!
这是他最好的一次 It's the best he's been.
现在注意他的手 Now there's the arm.
你知道我的意思 And you know what that means.
对,奔驰的孔雀 看看他挥舞得多用力 Yes. The galloping peacock. And look at him getting air on that.
完美的范本 Flawless. Just textbook perfection.
花式滑冰女选手中 There are very few women in the history of this sport
很少有人能表现出这种美 that skate with this kind of beauty.
吉米,加油,你办得到! Come on, Jimmy. Nail it!
结束动作展现他的柔软度 Ending the program showing his flexibility.
真是太棒了! What a great effort!
他已到达巅峰 He couldn't skate any better than that.
一生一次的精采演出 吉米麦克罗伊! The performance of a lifetime, Jimmy MacElroy!
机械式的精准技巧中带有优雅 Elegant with machine-like technical precision.
来囉 And there it is.
记住,鸽子从头到尾都藏在他身上 So important to remember that that dove was in his suit the whole time.
吉米以讲求个人卫生闻名 Jimmy's renowned for his personal hygiene, Scott.
但那样的表演,他等著拿金牌了 But after that performance, he's starting to reek of gold.
但那样的表演,他等著拿金牌了 While the judges decide Jimmy's fate,
当评审决定吉米的命运时...
我们来看看这位非凡的年轻滑冰选手 let's take a look at this exceptional young skater.
他是个特别的小孩 He is a child of privilege.
典型的滑冰选手要具备优雅、精准... A classic skater defined by elegance, precision
还要忍受巨大的痛苦 and an ability to endure great pain.
他四岁时在孤儿院时... He was plucked from an orphanage at age four
被一个塑造冠军的亿万富翁 戴伦麦克罗伊看上 by billionaire champion-maker, Darren MacElroy.
他培育过最成功的赛马... Once a breeder of some of the most successful racehorses in the world,
之后把焦点放在 Darren had turned his attention
培育有运动长才的孤儿 to nurturing athletically advanced human orphans.
《钱》-给我看孤儿 His ultimate find came in the form of skating wunderkind, Jimmy.
他最大的收穫就是发现滑冰神童吉米
我的童年相当平凡 I guess I had a pretty normal childhood.
有些人质疑 With his father's state of the art,
他父亲创新的训练方法... some say questionable, training methods,
这个神童被塑造成终极滑冰选手 this child prodigy was forged into an 眉ber skater.
很快吉米就席捲金牌 Soon, Jimmy was sweeping the gold
就像他的招牌「吉米捲髮」 席捲全国一样 while his trademark Jimmy curl was sweeping the nation,
各个年龄层的小孩 都跟随他们的偶像 with kids of all ages fashion drafting right behind their idol.
帅哥吉米,冠军,偶像,有爱心 A champion, an icon, a giver.
吉米麦克罗伊,小孤儿滑冰,讚 Jimmy MacElroy, skating's Little Orphan Awesome.
-教练,怎麽样? -吉米,你太棒了 - Well, Coach? - You nailed it, Jimmy. You nailed it.
太精采了 每个动作都如同我的示范 You nailed it shut. Every move exactly like I showed you.
我非常以你为荣 I am so proud of you.
谢谢,爸,你觉得呢? Thanks. Dad, what'd you think?
我们能擅自决定 炫耀你的转体三圈? Decided on our own to do a little flourish off the triple, did we?
我之前那一次跳得很好 我想可以有一点感... Look, I knew I had it. I just felt like it needed a little...
感觉?我们现在谈感觉? 你怎麽教他的? Feeling? We're feeling now? What are you teaching this boy?
吉米!吉米! Jimmy!
我寄给你一杯我的血! 你收到没?吉米! I sent you a cup of my blood! Did you get my blood? Jimmy!
不要鼓励他,来吧 Please don't encourage them. Come on.
走开! Move!
他们看起来天真又可爱 They may look cute and innocent but they're nothing
但却是细菌的温床 but a beehive for germs and bacteria.
-记得那些幻灯片? -很美 - Remember the slides I showed you? - But they're beautiful.
你有冠军的味道! 你要有美国的味道! You smell like a winner! You want to smell like...
评审的分数是... - Ladies and gentlemen... - Jimmy!
- I'll call you! - ...the judges' scores are:
5?9,5?9,6?0... 5. 9, 5. 9, 6.0,
5?9,6?0,5?8 5. 9, 6.0, 5. 8.
不错,不错 只要那个5?8不要拖垮我们 All right, not bad, not bad. As long as that 5.8 doesn't kill us.
手给我 Hands.
水果软糖 Skittles.
嘿,麦克罗伊,那是你的表演吗? Hey, MacElroy. Was that your routine?
还是太阳马戏团? Or a performance of Cirque du So-lame?
还有你太迟了 Besides, you're too late.
女子组奖牌已经颁过了 They already handed out the girls' medals this morning.
闭嘴,麦可斯 Shut up, Michaels.
那个表演可以当范本了 同样的表演 That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo.
我在奥斯陆打败你 不记得奥斯陆的事 I was on Quaaludes. I don't even remember Oslo.
但我记得波士顿 But I remember Boston,
那种胜利的滋味... and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie
就跟波士顿派一样甜 for which the town was named.
靠边站,小鬼 城裡来了新的警长 Step aside, home school. There's a new sheriff in town.
却斯! Chazz!
他来了,滑冰界的野马 却斯麦可麦可斯 There he is. Skating's outlaw, Chazz Michael Michaels.
这个牛仔的马鞭 挥得观众如痴如狂! This cowboy is cracking his whip on the haunch of this crowd, and they love it!
那样的表演要怎麽形容? How do you describe something like that?
他自由发挥,他的动作,音乐 He just uses everything at his disposal. The movement, the music.
漂亮的艾克索三圈! And he just nails the triple Axel!
他得意得不得了 Surfing a tsunami of swagger right now.
他知道自己在冰上有多性感 Well, you know he is sex on ice.
各位女士们,典型的麦可斯 赢还不够 Hello, ladies. Typical of Michaels, it's not enough just to win.
他要跟观众做爱 He wants to make love to the crowd.
所以那些座位的票价才那麽值钱 That's why those seats are so valuable.
他们就是要却斯麦可麦可斯那样做 That's what they want from Chazz Michael Michaels.
我要你
麦可斯刚刚公开 告诉麦克罗伊一个讯息 Michaels just slipped MacElroy a very public note.
先生,你被点名了 You have been called out, sir.
欢迎到斯德哥尔摩 You're welcome, Stockholm.
非常不真实,一瞬间的杰作 Unreal. An instant classic.
当你认为自己什麽场面都见过... Just when you think you've seen it all,
却斯麦可麦可斯却带来限制级的表演 Chazz Michael Michaels walks in with the unrated version.
居劣势却不会被打败 滑冰界秘密情人... The undefeatable underdog, ice skating's backdoor lover,
却斯麦可麦可斯掳获观众的心... Chazz Michael Michaels has come in here and captivated this arena
就像典型的欧洲色情明星 like a stack of classic Euro porn.
趁评审评分的空档... And so while his scores are being tabulated,
我们多了解一些 这个滑冰界的放荡小子 let's learn a little bit more about skating's Leather-clad Lothario.
冰上的性感旋风却斯麦可麦可斯 Chazz Michael Michaels, an ice-devouring sex tornado.
出生在底特律 Spawned in the hell-fires of Motown.
问题小孩? Troubled childhood?
如果9岁小男孩 交上35岁女友是问题 If you call being a nine-year-old kid with a 35-year-old girlfriend troubled.
12岁时,却斯为了不想 一辈子走私香菸和非法烟火... At age 12, Chazz escaped a life of running cigarettes and illegal fireworks
成为底特律下水道滑冰明星 by becoming a star in Detroit's underground sewer skating scene.
唯一赢得四次全国冠军 以及成人电影奖的选手... The only skater to win four national championships and an adult film award,
冰人的高潮 which is not to say this rough-hewn heartthrob doesn't have a softer side.
但具野性魅力的他也有温柔的一面
他出版诗集 叫「让我把诗灌注给你」 He recently published a book of poetry, Let Me Put My Poems in You.
让我把诗灌注给你 Before a big competition, I like to work with leather.
比赛之前我喜欢打造皮製品
美国原住民一向说 The Native Americans always said
与兽皮相处能解放灵魂 that working with hides and pelts releases the soul.
这是我帮费丝希尔做的尿片包 These are a couple of diaper bags I made for Faith Hill.
两个男人,只有一个优胜者 Two men, only one winner.
是却斯麦可麦可斯吗? Will it be Chazz Michael Michaels?
个人哲学：穿不穿衣服都好 Personal philosophy: clothing optional.
希望你带了银器抛光水 因为那是金牌演出 Hope you brought your silver polish, MacElroy, 'cause that was gold.
真噁心 That was disgusting.
年轻人,那个演出 火辣到可以搞出小宝宝 That, young man, is how babies are made.
-别站在我前面 -我要站在你裡面 - Get out of my face. - I'll get inside your face.
麦可斯先生 Mr. Michael Michaels,
带著你的教练、家人、朋友... please gather your coach, family, and friends
到座位上等待报分数 and move to the bench to await your scores.
交通警察,弄清楚 我没有教练,也不需要 Hey, traffic cop. Get this straight. I don't have a coach. I don't need one.
至于朋友和家人 却斯麦可麦可斯就一个人 And as for friends and family, Chazz Michael Michaels walks alone.
所以他们叫我孤独的狼,就在背后 That's why they call me the Lone Wolf, on my back there.
5?9,5?9,6?0... 5. 9, 5. 9, 6.0...
我就知道 That's what I'm talking about.
5?9,6?0... 5. 9, 6.0...
又一个6?0! Another 6.0.
5?8 ... 5. 8.
斯德哥尔摩你们满意吗? Was it good for you, Stockholm?
我很满意,抽根菸吧 'Cause it was good for me. Let's have a smoke.
麦克罗伊,认输吧 Eat that, MacElroy.
我的分数也一样,我们平手 Those were the same scores I got, Einstein. We're tied.
-你茫了 -我们平手 - Ladies and gentlemen, we have a tie. - You're high.
来自美国的... From the United States, Jimmy MacElroy
吉米麦克罗伊和却斯麦可麦可斯 and Chazz Michael Michaels.
你被开除了 You're fired.
我帮你拿到金牌 What? I brought you a gold medal.
一半的金牌 No, you brought me half a gold medal.
如果我要他跟别人分 我帮他买个弟弟就好了 If I wanted him to share, I'd have bought him a brother.
男子单人滑冰的两位型男 It's raining men in the men's singles. Men wearing gold, that is.
戴上金牌他们就加入 美国另外两位金牌选手... And theyjoin Team USA's other gold medalists,
双人滑冰的史坦兹和菲儿凡华丁堡 the pairs team of Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg.
史坦兹和菲儿
史坦兹和菲儿凡华丁堡... Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg,
美国兄妹搭档... America's brother and sister darlings,
双人花式滑冰的金牌标准 the gold standard of pairs figure skating.
他们是瑞士滑冰金牌选手... Children of beloved Swiss skiing gold medalists,
奥图与艾拉的小孩 Otto and Ella Van Waldenberg,
活力充沛的史坦兹和菲儿 生下来就会滑冰 the twin dynamos Stranz and Fairchild burst out of the womb and onto the ice
他们的妹妹凯蒂在一旁加油 while their sister, Katie, cheered from the sidelines.
他们原本过著幸福的生活 直到1987年3月14日... Theirs seemed to be a charmed life until March 14th, 1987
他们的父母死于车祸 when their parents died tragically in a car crash.
金牌选手丧生 Katie would survive.
凯蒂倖存
史坦兹和菲儿从此一蹶不振... The world wondered, had Stranz and Fairchild gone into a layback spin
无法平复伤痛吗? from which they could never recover?
意志坚定的他们... But the siblings' commitment was such
葬礼结束几个小时后 就重新展开训练 that they were back in the training rink within hours of the funeral.
今晚,观众为他们喜爱的 凡华丁堡兄妹欢呼 So tonight, the crowd cheers on their beloved Van Waldenbergs.
史坦兹和菲儿 Well, Stranz and Fairchild,
金牌有多重? how heavy is that gold around your necks?
史考特,金牌也许很有份量 但对我们轻如空气... Scott, this may be solid gold but to us it's lighter than air
因为梦想不会难以负荷 because dreams never weigh you down.
对,梦想在睡梦中 No. Dreams are in your sleep.
麦可斯和麦克罗伊呢? What about the amazing Michaels and MacElroy?
两面金牌? Two gold medals?
对,很棒 Yeah. That's great.
男子单人滑冰的优胜者... Well, speaking of gold medals,
现在正在颁奖台上 the winners of the men's singles
are taking their place at the podium right now.
这对麦可斯和麦克罗伊来说 一定是光荣的一刻 This has to be a proud moment for Michaels and MacElroy.
唯一比赢得金牌更棒的... You have to think, the only thing sweeter than winning a gold medal
就是与自己的同胞分享 is sharing it with your fellow countryman.
我要吐了 Gosh, I'm getting sick.
你有刮鬍水和墨西哥捲饼肉的味道 You smell like aftershave and taco meat.
对,现在站过去 Yes, I do. Now scoot over.
不要碰我,没有人可以碰我 Don't touch me. Nobody touches me.
-站过去就对了 -不要 - Just scoot over, man. - Don't.
台上有点推挤 - Just scoot over. - You scoot over.
Now there's some jostling atop the podium
却斯麦可斯被挤下去 and down goes Chazz Michael Michaels.
麦克罗伊依然对观众挥手 MacElroy still waving to the crowd.
麦克罗伊也摔倒了 Look, MacElroy's also down now.
我不曾在国际舞台上 I have never in all my years seen anything
见过这麽低级的事 this disgraceful on the world stage.
我太震惊,说不出话,吉姆 I am stunned silent, absolutely silent, Jim.
把那隻鸟拿开,不然我扭断你的脖子 You get that damned bird out of my face before I break its neck.
好一记头槌! A perfect head butt! Down goes MacElroy!
幸运物著火了! And Spaetzle's aflame!
哦,我的天! Spaetzle! Oh, my God!
我们即将报导麦可斯和麦克罗伊... As we prepare to hear testimony, Michaels and MacElroy
全国滑冰联盟 will be given a chance to defend their actions at Stockholm...
...在斯德哥尔摩 为自己辩护的情况
吉米,我们爱你 We love you, Jimmy.
嘿,南西柯林根 Hey. Nancy Kerrigan.
嘿 你真的在这裡上班? You an official here?
因为你真的让我坚挺无比 'Cause you have officially given me a boner.
我有性瘾,我要忍受的罪 I'm a sex addict. It's my cross to bear.
真有这种病,有医生还有处方 It's a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything.
我们开始吧 Let's get started, shall we?
在委员会做出决定前... If either one of you would like to make a statement
如果你们想发表声明... before the commission passes judgment,
现在就说吧 you may do so at this time.
粉丝、朋友、可敬的委员们 Fans, friends, esteemed members of the committee,
我不知道能说什麽 I don't know what I can say,
但我祷告你们能原谅我 but I pray you can all forgive me.
不只这样,我祷告小朋友能原谅我 More than that, I pray the children can forgive me.
哦,我的天 Oh, my God.
-我把未来交给他们 -真是白痴 - I place my future in their tiny hands. - That is retarded.
上帝保佑大家,谢谢 God bless you. God bless everyone. Thank you.
吉米,上帝保佑你 上帝保佑你的心 God bless you, Jimmy. God bless your heart.
格言杂志 Maxim.
最近一期 Last issue.
却斯麦可麦可斯代表花式滑冰 "Chazz Michael Michaels is figure skating."
Boom!
好,知道了 All right, duly noted.
根据滑冰联盟的规定... In accordance with the rules of the International Skating Federation,
吉米麦克罗伊和却斯麦可麦可斯... James MacElroy and Charles Michael Michaels,
联盟取消你们的金牌... you are to be stripped of your medals...
而且终生禁止参加花式滑冰比赛! What?
...and banned from men's figure skating for the remainder of your lives!
老傢伙,听我说! Hey, you listen to me, old man!
真烂 Oh, that sucks.
看看你对我前妻做的好事! Look what you did to my ex-wife!
我要赏你后脑勺一枪 I'm gonna pop you in the back of the head.
终生禁赛,那很久耶 Banned for life. That's a long time.
吉米... 会有办法的 Jimmy, it'll all work out.
该是重新开始的时候 It's time for a fresh start.
-对,重新开始 -好,吉米... - Yeah, a fresh start. Exactly. - Good. Jimmy,
-我不再领养你 -什麽? - I'm un-adopting you. - What?
这样说不对 I don't think un-adopting is the right word.
于法,你不是我的了 Legally, I'm disowning you.
但结果是一样的 But it amounts to the same thing, so...
我当你儿子26年了 But I've been your son for 26 years.
22年,没有人能怪我没努力 我们有过美好时光 Twenty-two, so nobody can say I didn't try. We've had a good run.
我们一刀两断,别拖泥带水 对彼此都最好 Now, I think it would be best for all of us if we didn't drag this out. Clean break.
吉米,如果你现在离开 我会好过点 It would make it easier for me, Jimmy, if you left now.
等等! Wait!
就像胶带,撕掉就好了 我们都会好过点 It's like a Band-Aid. Just rip it off. We'll both feel better.
科罗拉多争取金牌
三年半后 Hey, everybody, get your tickets for the second show.
快来买第二场表演的票
冰上小精灵 Second show tickets now available.
第二场表演开始售票了
Tra-la-la-la, tra-la-la-la We sing a grublet song
We love to roam our woodsy home Of greenery and scenery and song
Tra-la-la-la, tra-la-la-la A grublet sings along
哦,老天 Oh, God.
我恨你 I hate you.
我恨我的生活 I hate my life.
哦,不!邪恶的巫师来了! Oh, no! It's the evil wizard!
Boo!
却斯麦可麦可斯 I mean, I had it with skating for the judges, you know?
我在评审面前表演过
我不需要了 Just like, I don't need that.
当小朋友们看到我 戴著巫师的大头套出场... I mean, for me, it's so much more satisfying to see the...
露出的惊奇眼神... The eyes of a small child, seeing that wonder as they...
比什麽都让人满足 They see you skate out there with a big wizard head on, you know?
好,真好 Nice. Really nice.
嘿,小珊,不是你想的那样 Hey, Sammy, it's not what it looks like.
小珊,拜託,宝贝 Sam. Sammy, come on, baby.
你知道这就是我的风格 You knew this was how I rolled when you met me.
不,我认识你时 你是很棒的花式滑冰选手 No. When I met you, you were a great figure skater.
现在你跟木林仙女们吸大麻 Now you're getting stoned with the Woodland Fairies.
我不知道你到底是谁 I don't even know who you are anymore.
你活在过去,我跟木林仙女们... You're living in the past, Sammy.
我们活在此时此地 Come on, me and the Woodland Fairies,
我们感觉好自由 we're living in the here and now.
来嘛,加入我们 And we're feeling so free. Come on, join us.
宝贝,拜託,宝贝 Baby. Come on, babe.
嘿,麦可斯,来,准备了 Hey, Michaels, let's go. Lace up. The fog machines are primed.
青蛙机已经装好了 第二场表演几乎客满 Second show's almost three-quarters full.
-你喝醉了吗? -没有 - You drunk? - No.
但再喝这个就会 But this ought to do it.
如果你在冰上不是那麽棒 I would fire you
我早就开除你了 if you weren't so goddamn beautiful out there.
-你有尿骚味 -很重? - You smell like urine. - A lot?
把头套戴好 Get your head on.
运动用品店
感觉不对 They don't feel right.
因为我还没绑好 That's because I'm not finished.
想想鞋带有三个不同的角色会有帮助 You see, it helps to think of the laces as belonging to three distinct groups.
第一是基础 First, the foundation.
太紧了,爸! They're too tight.
他压得好紧 Daddy! He's crushing me.
绑好要花点时间,但值得 Doing it right takes a little bit longer, but it's worth it.
嘿,你在干嘛?她说太紧了 Hey, what are you doing? She said it's too tight.
但她是错的 Well, but she's wrong.
你要相信谁? 一个小女孩还是吉米麦克罗伊? I mean, who are you gonna trust, a little girl or Jimmy MacElroy?
-谁是吉米麦克罗伊? -有什麽问题吗? - Who the hell is Jimmy MacElroy? - Is there a problem here, sir?
对,这个小鬼正在蹂躏我女儿的脚 Yeah, this kid is torturing my daughter's foot.
对不起,先生,吉米 I'm so sorry, sir.
滑冰区不需要你现在就去仓库 You know what, Jimmy? Off the skates, you're on stockroom duty, now. Let's go.
嘿,吉米 Hey, Jimmy.
赫克特? Hector?
你在这裡做什麽? What are you doing here?
我有你的禁制令 You know I have a restraining order against you.
那玩意儿? Oh, that thing?
吉米,你看起来好帅 你的头髮太猛了 You look great, Jimmy. You look amazing. Your hair rocks.
谢谢 Thanks.
你太帅了,哦,老天 You look so good. Oh, my gosh.
你有没有看看自己的样子? Do you look at yourself?
我好想剥下你的皮 穿它过生日,就快到了 I totally wanna cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday. It's coming up.
好,听著,很高兴见到你 赫克特,我现在真的很忙 Yeah, listen, it's great to see you, Hector, but I'm really busy right now.
好,对不起,我说重点 Okay, all right, I'm sorry. I'll cut to the chase.
-吉米,你得再滑冰 -什麽? - You gotta start skating again, Jimmy. - What?
跟踪过气的选手很丢脸 It's embarrassing stalking a has-been, you know what I mean?
我几乎放弃你了 Look, I almost gave up on you.
我跟踪过长得很像猫王的乌克兰选手 I started working with that Ukrainian skater,
you know the one that looks like Elvis?
我搬到乌克兰,那裡好冷... And I moved to the Ukraine
大家都有枪 而且有汤的味道 and it was cold and everyone had guns and smelled like soup.
赫克特,我同情你,但我没有办法 I sympathize with you, Hector. I really do, but there's nothing I can do.
我终生禁赛 I'm banned for life.
没那麽绝对 Don't be so sure.
第14条,第七节 Section 14, paragraph G,
「终生禁赛无法撤销... "A lifetime ban is irrevocable and the banned skater can never again
「滑冰选手永远不能参加... "compete in any Federation-sanctioned tournament
「联盟批准该选手所属的比赛项目」 "that exists in such a skater's division."
看到没?你只是不能参加 男子单人滑冰! You see? You're only banned from your division, men's singles!
你可以参加双人滑冰 You can still compete in pairs skating.
双人 Pairs.
怎麽可能? How is this possible?
我找过很多律师上诉过很多次 I had so many lawyers work on so many appeals.
因为没有人像我这麽沉迷 Because nobody can obsess like I can.
因为没有人像我这麽沉迷
吉米,祝你好运 Good luck, Jimmy.
我有一天还是会杀了你 And I'm still gonna kill you someday.
不!是邪恶的巫师! Oh, no! It's the evil wizard!
嘿,森林小精灵 Hey, little forest creatures.
你们这些浑蛋别想逞英雄,听到没? None of you sons-of-bitches try to be heroes. You hear me?
嘿,却斯,拜託 Hey, Chazz. Come on.
我是盖瑞,你在干嘛? It's Gary. What are you doing?
嘿,大伙儿!他是松鼠盖瑞 Hey, everyone! This is Gary, the squirrel.
听好了,盖瑞是我多年的朋友 Now listen up. Gary's been a long-time friend.
两年半来我们一起滑冰 We've been skating for two and a half years.
我记得有一次在图桑的巴士站... I remember when we were hanging out at the bus stop in Tucson,
盖瑞说： 「我有第三个睾丸」 and Gary said, "I've got a third ball."
该死,我吐在裡面 Damn it. I just threw up in here, people.
现实就是这样,传奇需要加味 That's the reality. Another layer to the legend.
我不过是洋葱人 其实我们都是,哦,又来了 I am nothing but a human onion. In fact, we all are. Oh, encore.
各位女士先生,进一步通知前 「冰上小精灵」将暂停演出 Ladies and gentlemen, Grublets on Ice will be cancelled until further notice.
无法退费 No refunds will be given.
来啊!丢我啊 Bring it on! Let it rain down on me.
有法律漏洞,我不能参加 男子单人赛,但可参加双人赛 There's a loophole. I was banned from men's singles but not pairs.
我可以参加冬季运动会 I can skate in the Wintersport Games again.
我就知道,经过三年,你还是不放弃 I knew it. I knew after three years, you just weren't checking in.
拜託,吉米,我展开新生活 你也应该 I mean, come on, I moved on, Jimmy. You gotta move on, too.
我是滑冰选手,我无法展开新生活... But I'm a skater. There's nothing to move on to,
除非再度赢得并拥有金牌 except for winning the gold again and keeping it this time.
你知道找个搭档有多难? You know how hard it is to find a partner?
就算找到,还要通过全国选拔赛 Even if you did, you gotta qualify for Nationals.
只剩一个月的时间 That's a month away.
报名再过两天就截止 I mean, sign-up is in two days.
没有那麽难 It can't be that hard. I mean...
吉米,放弃吧,花式滑冰 就像无情的后母 Figure skating. Give it up, Jimmy. It's like a cruel bitch mother.
她用巧克力和鲜花引诱你... She'll seduce you with chocolates and roses
然后像隻死浣熊 一脚把你踢到路边 and then kick you to the side of the road like a dead raccoon.
算了,我要走了 Forget it. I gotta go.
很高兴再度见面 It's good to see you.
等等,教练! Wait, Coach!
冰上小精灵试镜 女子滑冰选手
滑冰选手试镜
吉米麦克罗伊? Jimmy MacElroy?
又一个优秀滑冰选手 来到小精灵的殿堂 Another great walking through the halls of the Grublets.
欢迎到我的小节目 Welcome to my little production.
如果你要感谢我开除麦可斯 那是我的荣幸 If you're here to thank me for firing Chazz Michaels, it was my pleasure.
却斯之前在这裡? Chazz was here?
对,很不幸,不过... 你来试镜真是太棒了 Yeah, unfortunately, but it's fantastic that you're here.
对,不用问,我会考虑你 And yes, no need to ask, I'll consider you for a position.
我不是来找工作 I'm not looking for a job.
我是来找女子滑冰选手 跟我一起参加全国选拔赛 I'm actually looking for a female skater to compete with me at Nationals.
-你想偷滑冰选手? -不 - Are you trying to skater poach? - No.
你想破坏我的家庭? You trying to break up my family?
快滚,不然我把你丢出去 Why don't you get out of here before I throw down?
嘿,你要去哪裡? Hey, where you going?
麦可斯 Michaels.
麦克罗伊 MacElroy.
你变胖了 I see you got fat.
你看起来还像15岁小女孩 只是一点都不辣 I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl but not hot.
你毁了我的梦想 You crushed my dreams.
我好多年都没有梦想了 Dreams? Shit. I haven't had one of those in years.
却斯,不要说了 不然我就赏你的丑脸一拳 Zip it, Chazz. Zip it or I will punch you in your crap lousy face.
今晚做个了结吧 This ends tonight.
现在是大白天,人渣 It's daytime, you douche.
-来吧! -你好肥! - Now it's on! - You're so fat!
本地滑冰粉丝赚到了... Local figure skating fans got more than they bargained for today
两位前滑冰冠军选手大打出手... when a children's ice show was interrupted by a street fight
打断了一个儿童滑冰秀 between two former champions.
吉米麦克罗伊和却斯麦可麦可斯... Jimmy MacElroy and Chazz Michael Michaels,
两位曾经是世界顶尖滑冰选手... once at the top of the skating world,
今天继续三年前没打完的架... picked up today where they left off more than three years...
粉丝们记得金牌选手 Fans remember Michaels and MacElroy as gold medalists who,
麦可斯以及麦克罗伊... in a bizarre turn of events,
被判终生禁赛 became banned from competition for life.
我曾访问过麦可斯 I had a chance to sit down with Michaels
他是个複杂的男人 and let's just say, he's a complex man.
我有性瘾,我喜欢女人 I'm a sex addict and I'm attracted to women.
两个男人一起滑冰? 太扯了,会成为大笑柄 Two men skating together? That's a riot. That's a laugh riot.
我不觉得有什麽好笑 - I don't see what's so funny. - If you were as drunk as me, you would.
如果你跟我一样醉醺醺就会觉得好笑
我说过要参加双人滑冰但两个男的? Look, Coach, I know I said I wanted to skate pairs, but two men?
就算我们愿意他们也不会准 Even if we wanted to, they'd never allow it.
没有法规禁止你们配对 But there's nothing in the rule book that says you can't.
那不是我的风格 却斯麦可麦可斯独来独往 That's not my style. Chazz Michael Michaels goes it alone.
也就是没有教练和搭档 Okay? That means no coach and no partner.
更别说是个男的 Especially not a dude.
更别说是个被宠坏的有钱人家小孩 Especially not the precious and pampered Richie Rich.
你不知道自己在说什麽 Would you just shut up? You don't know what you're talking about.
我知道的比你认为的多 I know more than you think I know.
我知道的比你知道的多 Hell, I know more than you know you know.
你的技巧永远不及我 No, you don't. You could never keep up with my flawless technique.
所以我在99年和02年才会打败你 That's why I floored you in '02 and the spring of '99.
技巧无法带给你18面金牌... Technique doesn't get you 18 medals
和山口终身成就奖 and a Kristi Yamaguchi Lifetime Achievement Award.
-我代表花式滑冰 -不要说了! - I am figure skating. - Stop it!
三年来我试著忘掉你们搞出来的恶梦 For three years I've been trying to get over the nightmare you two created.
看来我永远忘不掉 I wasn't sure I'd ever forget it.
也许胡言乱语中 我们能发掘美好的东西 Now maybe underneath all your bullshit, we can still find something beautiful.
教练,我不知道 I don't know, Coach.
我真的很想拿金牌,但是... I mean, I'm really desperate to win that gold, but...
但是什麽?小子 你的搭档找得如何? But what? How's the partner search coming, kid?
爱耍酷,有什麽好笑的? What's so funny, Cool Whip?
你很满意跟那些开价15块的妓女搞? You getting a lot of satisfaction from those $15 hookers?
我从来没满意过,这是诅咒 I am never satisfied. It's a curse.
还有12小时全国选拔赛就要结束登记 The registration for the National Finals closes in exactly 12 hours.
现在我问你们一个问题 Now let me ask you boys a question.
你们想不想创造历史? Do you wanna make history?
不行,这个男的托不住我的胯下 No way. This guy could not hold my jock sweat.
我可以,试试看 I could hold it all day long. Try me.
-也许我会 -你应该试试 - Maybe I will. - Maybe you should.
你挑战我? You challenging me, Princess?
我不是邀请你参加 滑冰联盟圣诞节派对 I'm not inviting you to the Skating Federation's Annual Christmas Party.
-来啊! -好啊! - Then bring it on! - It is on!
我们有共识了 Good. We're in agreement then.
什麽? - What? - What?
欢迎回到竞争激烈的滑冰比赛 Welcome back to competitive skating, gentlemen.
我明天早上来接你们 I'll pick you up in the morning.
帮帮忙 Little help.
全国花式滑冰协会
来吧,好戏上场了 Here we go. Show time.
史坦兹,菲儿 我是ESPN的梅丽莎凯莉 Stranz. Fairchild. Melissa Kelly, ESPN2.
请问你们对这次比赛有什麽看法? So, let me ask you, any thoughts on the competition?
一面新的金牌代表什麽? And what does a new gold medal mean for you?
比不上赢得美国人的心 It doesn't mean as much as winning America's hearts.
That's very important to us.
你们有三年没出赛了 Now we haven't seen you in about three and a half years.
都在做什麽? What have you been up to?
滑冰 Skating.
你们要把这次的演出 Now apparently you're dedicating this performance
献给全世界的小孩 to the children of the world.
对不起 Sorry.
-却斯,把这个填好 -不要 - Chazz, fill this out. - No.
要 Yes.
吉米,我去拿你的 I'll get yours, Jimmy.
那个女的是谁? Who is that girl?
你是说凯蒂凡华丁堡? You mean Katie Van Waldenberg?
史坦兹和菲儿的妹妹? She's Stranz and Fairchild's sister?
菲儿和史坦兹的跑腿 Fairchild's legs and Stranz's ass.
很困脑对不对? Mind bottling, isn't it?
-你刚说「很困脑」? -对,很困脑 - Did you just say "mind bottling?" - Yeah, mind bottling.
当事情太疯狂 You know, when things are so crazy,
脑袋就像被困住 it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle.
好,来吧,大声又骄傲 All right, boys. Let's go do this. Loud and proud.
你们两个在这裡干嘛? What are you two doing here?
你们很清楚 我不会同意,他们被禁赛 You know damn well I'm not letting either of you sign up. They're banned.
我不是帮麦可斯或麦克罗伊报名 I'm not here to sign up Michaels or MacElroy.
我是帮他们两个报名双人滑冰项目 I'm here to sign up the pairs team of Michaels and MacElroy.
谢谢 Thank you.
谢谢
这是各位的头条新闻 Now there's your front page headline.
吉米,跟粉丝挥挥手好吗? Jimmy, can you wave to the fans?
吉米和却斯在一起却没打架? So Jimmy and Chazz together and no fighting, huh?
被遗忘的对手参加双人滑冰
两个男的参加我们的竞赛项目 Two men skating together and in our division, no less.
史坦兹,为什麽? Why, Stranz?
为什麽这个全世界... Why is God singling us out
都知道的超级苦难 上帝不让我们承受? for the greatest suffering the world has ever known?
妹,我不知道,他们不过是两个怪胎 I don't know, sis. Those two are nothing but a couple of freaks.
对,媒体喜欢怪胎 Yeah, and the media loves freaks.
害我血脉喷张 Makes my blood boil.
我们热爱这项运动 他们要毁掉它的尊严 And all they're doing is just leeching the dignity out of our beloved sport.
我不主张暴力... You know, I'm not a violent person
但我要把他们压倒在地 用冰刀划开他们的喉咙 but I would like to hold them down and skate over their throats.
如果你们把焦点放在滑冰上... Guys, maybe, maybe if you concentrate on the skating
大家就会忘记这些宣传花招 people will forget all the hype
专注在单纯的运动... and they'll focus on the purity of the sport
以及公平竞争的运动精神 and the spirit of honest competition.
你们又要耍诈了? You guys just want to cheat again, don't you?
-好主意 -感觉好多了 - That's a good idea. - Much better.
凯蒂,这个录影机拿去? Katie, please, will you just take this camcorder, okay?
我不知道怎麽开机,谢谢 I don't know how to turn it on. Thank you.
不,我不会再当你们的间谍 No, I'm not spying for you again.
只要小心拍下他们练习的情况 We're just asking you to discreetly tape their practice routines.
去找别人 Find someone else.
妈,你说什麽? - What's that, Mother? - Don't.
你跟爸很难过... You and Father are sad that you were killed
多年前为了载凯蒂上滑冰课 却因车祸丧生? driving Katie to her ice skating lesson all those years ago?
我也是 Yeah. Me, too.
记得他们活生生的样子? Remember how they used to be alive?
爸? Papa?
爸,我听不到,你怎麽啦?你在哭? I can't hear you, Papa. What are you... You're crying?
还在?在天堂?还没投胎? Still? In heaven? You're still dead?
-好,我去 -对嘛 - Fine, I'll do it. - Yes.
现在你是凡华丁堡队的人 Now you're playing for team Van Waldenberg.
好,这段时间你们要住在这裡 All right. You'll be staying here for the duration.
一起滑冰,一起生活 You're gonna skate as a pair. You'll live as a pair.
如果要自保... And if you're at all interested in self-preservation,
最好把鞋子脱掉 兔得在巴巴里留下鞋印 you take off your shoes before you set foot on the Berber.
我们怎麽会踩在婴儿食物上? Why would we step in baby food?
-他说的是地毯? -你是什麽东西?地毯博士? - He's talking about the carpet. Berber? - What are you? The Rug Doctor?
-也许我是 -我是地毯大师 - Maybe I am. - I'm the rug master.
-那是什麽东西? -闭嘴脱鞋 - What does that even mean? - Shut up and take off your damn shoes.
-上下舖? -我要自己一个房间 - Bunk beds? - I don't share rooms.
我什麽都要自己的 晚上是我的黑暗时光 I don't share shit. The night is a very dark time for me.
白痴,对每个人都是 It's dark for everyone, moron.
对阿拉斯加人或戴夜光镜的人就不是 Not for Alaskans or dudes with night vision goggles.
别再吵了 All right, this is gonna stop right now.
从现在起,你们是一组,懂吗? From here on out, you guys are a team. Do you understand?
你们吃喝拉撒睡都要在一起 You are going to eat together, sleep together.
你们要一起报税 You are going to pee together.
You're gonna file a joint income tax return.
从现在起就练习,不要再说了 Practice starts now. End of discussion.
我才刚放好 I just put those into order.
我也需要洗手檯的空间 I need some counter space, too.
-鬃毛与尾巴,这是用来洗马的? -对 - Mane n' Tail. Is this horse shampoo? - Yes, it is.
你用这个洗头髮? - Do you use this stuff on your hair? - Uh-huh.
「展现光泽」真的有效吗? "For a lustrous coat." Does this actually work?
那还用说 You bet your ass it does.
让我的头髮在冰上 像猎户座的腰带闪闪发光 It makes my hair shine like Orion's belt out on the ice.
然后我用这把梳子梳一百下头髮 And then I brush my hair 100 times with this.
好酷的梳子 Cool brush.
不只是梳子,是维特可利 Not just a brush but a Verticoli.
义大利手工製造,是非法鲸鱼骨做的 Handmade in Italy. They carve it out of illegal whalebone.
一年只生产11把 They only make 11of them a year.
这把要一万两千块或三千万里拉 This one cost me $12,000 or 30 million lira.
完美平衡,拉力轻,扭矩最小 Perfectly balanced, low drag, minimal torque.
多小? How minimal?
我打赌你想知道 I bet you'd like to know.
鬃毛与尾巴洗髮精可以随你用... Help yourself to the Mane n' Tail all you want,
但别想用我的维特可利 but don't even look at the Verticoli.
因为我会扁你 'Cause I will knock your block off.
不夸张... No exaggeration,
我爱这把梳子胜过小宝宝 I could not love a human baby as much as I love this brush.
我要睡上舖 I call top.
-我心裡先订了 -你不能那样,那样不算 - Sorry, I already called it in my head. - You can't do that. That doesn't count.
算,吉米,习惯吧 Yes, it does. Get used to it, Jimmy.
你在却斯的世界 You're in Chazz's world now.
发号施令的永远是我 You know what? I permanently called shotgun.
不能每次都是你发号施令 You do not get shotgun every time.
这是什麽地方?有鱼的味道 What is this place? It smells like fish.
太棒了 Sweet.
这裡的冰没有处理过 This ice has not been properly Zambonied.
-暖身室呢? -这裡没有 - And where's the warm-down room? - We don't have any of that.
这裡是冷冻仓储... What we got is a cold storage unit
一个朋友让我在地上喷水 that a buddy of mine let me flood with a garden hose.
教练,算你厉害 Nice choice, Coach.
结果还不错 Turned out well.
舞姿抬举、平压抬举、旋转抬举... The dance lift, the press lift, the twist lift,
併肩跳,抛跳 the side by side jump, the throw jump.
这些都是双人滑冰选手的武器 All of these are weapons in the pairs skaters' arsenal.
运用适当可以痛宰对手 And used properly, they can slay your opponent.
运用不当会摔断搭档每根骨头 Used improperly, you can break every bone in your body.
好,华尔滋姿势 All right, gentlemen, waltz position.
你的手在上面 You know what, dude, your hand has to be on top.
不,女生的手才在上面 No way. The girl's goes on top.
对,你就是 Yeah. Ergo. Chick.
我不是女的,我比较有力 I'm not the girl. I'm stronger.
我比较有力,而且没有阴道 No, I'm stronger and don't have a vagina.
才怪,看你的肥屁股 You are not stronger. Watch this, fat ass.
肥屁股? Fat ass?
这真的不重要,只是华尔滋姿势 It doesn't really matter, it's waltz position.
一个人把手... One guy, you put your, just...
看到没?完美的胸肌 二头肌和三头肌 See that? It's pure pec, bicep, and tricep.
下来 Jimmy, get off your hands.
等一下要用到手的力量,快 You're gonna need those later. Now, come on.
好 All right.
好,我也能耍酷 Okay, you know what? I can do something cool, too.
你自以为很厉害? 我不肥,我可以这样 Chazz. Chazz.
You think you're so tough. Huh? I'm not fat. I can do this.
-却斯,把冰鞋穿上 -太迟了,已经脱掉了 - Chazz, put your skates back on. - No, it's too late. They're off.
-看,我像闪电 -把鞋穿上 - Look, I'm like lightning. - Put your skates back on.
你在干嘛? What are you doing?
-对,老天,好烫 -是吗? - Yeah. God, that burns. - Oh, yeah?
把衣服穿上 Jimmy, you put your clothes on. Jimmy!
-该死!吉米! -看我的火辣超级冰上滑步 - Damn it! - Watch my Icy Hot Super Slide.
-滑啊 -我会 - Do it. - I will.
无所谓,因为你胸前平坦 It's not gonna matter 'cause you're flat in front like Ken.
你当女的 You're the girl.
-什麽? -麦克罗伊,我的漂亮小姐 - What? - You're my pretty lady, MacElroy.
-等等,为什麽? -因为你叫声很像! - Wait. Why? - Because you whine like one!
还有谁也举不起你的肥屁股 现在起你要节食 And no one can lift your fat ass. You're on a diet, starting now.
-什麽? -来吧!快! - What are you talking about? - Let's go! Come on!
因为我的大腿肌肉强壮吗? Is this about my muscular, thick thighs?
给我一个小餐包好吗? Could one of you all pass me a biscuit?
你还有五英哩,然后就可以吃坚果棒 You got another five miles, then you get a LUNA bar.
拜託 Come on.
教练,我在想用什麽音乐 So, Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.
我们选黑眼豆豆的“小姐努力干” - Really? - We're gonna skate to one song,
one song only. Lady Hump by the Black Eyed Peas.
你要拿那些垃圾怎麽办 我后车箱的垃圾 What you gonna do with all thatjunk All thatjunk inside my trunk
我要把你灌醉 把你灌醉,让小姐努力干 I'm gonna get you, get you drunk Get you drunk off my lady hump
我努力,我努力 我可爱的小姐努力干 My hump, my hump My lovely lady hump
我不要用“小姐努力干”的音乐 I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps.
我连什麽意思都不懂 I don't even know what that means.
没有人懂 但很有挑逗性 No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.
-不,没有,很噁心 -观众会很兴奋 - No, it's not. It's gross. - It gets the people going.
够了!你们怎麽老是吵个不停? That's enough! Why do you guys keep doing that?
够了!你们怎麽老是吵个不停?
你什麽也没看见! You didn't see shit!
-教练! -闭嘴! - Coach! - Shut up!
丢些鸡肉给我! Throw me some chicken!
两个男的一起 Two men.
你要这样做? Together. You're really gonna go through with this, huh?
为什麽不行? Oh, yeah, of course. Why not?
我要你帮忙,怎麽样? I mean, I need your help. What do you say?
我是编舞,我知道什麽? Look, I'm just a choreographer. What do I know?
明天带他们到舞蹈教室 Bring them by the dance studio tomorrow.
-太棒了! -我不是魔术师,我不能保证 - Great! - I'm not a magician.
我尽力就是了 I ain't making no promises.
I'm just saying that I'm'a do what I can do.
你们的问题是自我设限,不要再这样 Your problem is your boundaries. That ends today.
在这裡你看不出 Out on my dance floor you won't know
肢体在哪裡结束,从哪裡开始 where one man's body ends and another begins.
如果无法跟男的共舞 就不能跟男的滑冰 Because if you can't dance with a man, you damn sure can't skate with a man.
来吧,开始 All right? So come on, let's go.
吉米 Jimmy.
对 Yeah.
我就知道 That's what I thought.
吉米,来吧 That a boy, Jimmy. Come on.
放开来,让我看看你的本事 Okay. Break it down. Show me what you got.
好,是个开始 Okay. That's a start. That is a start.
脸部绷紧,如果一直这样... You're tensing your face. If you tense your face,
只会更难过,只要... you're gonna make it harder for yourselves.
Just enable...
倒带,我要再看一次 他一头栽进去的画面 Rewind it. I wanna see his head bang down again.
不,不好好跳,就离开我的舞蹈教室 No. No, no. You act right or you leave my studio.
美丽的蝴蝶变成祈祷者,很好 Beautiful butterfly into a prayer. Nice into...
让他们发洩 Let them get it out. Let them get it out.
却斯,换吉米拉 放鬆,看到没?放鬆 Chazz, release to Jimmy. Easy, see? Release...
-对 -不,不 - Yes. - No. No.
你办到了! You nailed it!
对,看到没?无暇的力量 你却什麽也没做 Yes, I did. See that? Pure power. You could use a nickel's worth, junior.
如果你旋转时放手... Maybe if you released me at that quarter-turn,
我就不用靠著地帮你挽回面子 I wouldn't have to save your ass with my landing.
那是即兴表演,连你的肯尼吉都知道 It's called improvisation. Even your precious Kenny G does it.
至少他们做到了 Well, at least they're getting the moves down.
对,但他们在五个裁判 三千万名观众面前做得到吗? Yeah, but can they do it in front of five judges and 30 million people?
全国花式滑冰选拔赛 Denver, Colorado, last stop on the road
科罗拉多丹佛市
蒙特娄冬季运动会的前一站... to the World Wintersport Games in Montreal.
经过多年不停的训练 最优秀的滑冰选手... The finest skaters from all over the country have trained tirelessly,
要争取登上世界舞台的机会 for years for their chance to make it onto the world stage.
那些故事都不及... But all those stories have been eclipsed now
本世纪的花絮 by what many dub the Sideshow of the Century.
男子双人滑冰组合... 吉米麦克罗伊和却斯麦可麦可斯 The male-male pair of Jimmy MacElroy and Chazz Michael Michaels.
看得出他们今天早晨抵达时 非常焦虑... The anxiety was palpable when they arrived this morning
因为滑冰团体不断谴责 as the skating community continued to voice its outrage.
他们两个要把这项运动变成怪胎秀 Those two are turning this sport into a freak show.
好像花式滑冰还不够同性恋 As if figure skating wasn't gay enough already.
我告诉你,这样看起来对吗? Let me show you something. Does that look right to you?
裡面没提到男子双人滑冰 Nothing in here about two men skating.
那个金髮的是男的?哦,老天 That blonde chick's a dude? Oh, man.
一起看看凡华丁堡兄妹... Now let's join Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg
他们的表演即将结束... as they wind up their routine,
以街头语言传达备受争议的都会文化 an edgy look at urban culture told in the language of the streets.
看看他们!他们跳得很开心 And boy, look at them! They are really having fun with this.
这组滑冰选手让观众为之疯狂 The bling is king. This pair is willing the crowd into a frenzy.
来吧!来吧! Come on! Come on!
哇!一如往常般完美 Wow! Flawless, as always.
这两个街舞机器... These two blue-eyed funk machines are going to find themselves
即将靠扭腰摆臀进军蒙特娄 popping and locking their way to the championship in Montreal.
摇摆年代 And those good vibrations seem
似乎感染了整个会场 to have spread all the way through this arena.
怎麽样! What, what!
换你们了 You guys are up.
观众一直期待这一刻 And now the moment this crowd has been waiting for.
他们要怎麽表演? And how is this going to work?
风格迥异的滑冰选手 之前以彼此敌对闻名... Completely different skaters, known to be enemies of one another,
成为滑冰史上第一组男子双人滑冰 combining to be the first male-male pair team in the history of the sport.
如果不是麦克罗伊严谨的技巧风格... Either the locked-in technical style of MacElroy
槓上麦可斯的即兴演出... will not mesh with Michaels' improvisations
就是他们共同创造伟大的音乐 or they create great music together
以他们的形象改造这项运动 and reinvent the sport in their own image.
他们在笑我们 They're laughing at us.
阿姆斯壮要登陆月球时,他们也笑他 They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon.
现在他在上面笑他们 Now he's up there laughing at them.
他们的舞曲叫火与冰 Well, they titled this routine "Fire and Ice."
参加单人滑冰竞赛时 他们一直水火不容... They've always been that way as competitors, as individuals
现在却配成一对? and now as a pair team?
太好了 So appropriate.
目前为止还好 So far, so good.
他们的第一个动作非常难 演出艾克索旋转三周 Their first move's so difficult. Throw triple Axel.
第一次抛 First throw.
跌倒了 Man down.
一开始就这样真是太糟糕了! What an unbelievably disastrous beginning to this routine!
我比赛没有摔倒过 I've never fallen once in competition.
来吧,手给我,我们办得到 Come on. Take my hand.
We can do this.
他们站起来了 And they're up.
丹佛,看著吧! Come on, Denver, get off your asses!
来吧! Let's go!
观众第一次表现对他们的支持 And the crowd responds.
It's the first time they've shown them any level of support.
併肩艾克索两周!漂亮! Side by side double Axels! Beautifully delivered!
男子双人组合 And again, a male-male pair team.
他们做出其他双人组合不敢做的动作 They're doing things that no other pair would dare to do.
不可思议! Incredible!
很多动作我听都没听过 So many moves in this program I've never heard of before.
耶! Yes!
无法置信的结尾,不可思议的演出! Unbelievable finish to an incredible routine!
他们赢得观众的心! And they've won this crowd over!
耶! Yes!
这样的演出可能让他们进军蒙特娄... This might be enough to send them to Montreal
成为这项运动第一组男子双人组合 as the first male-male representatives this sport has ever seen.
他们在创造历史 History in the making.
耶! Yeah!
丹佛,我们爱你! We love you, Denver!
海湾的城市!约翰丹佛! City by the bay! John Denver!
-那个火真有必要吗? -问问他们 - Was the fire really necessary? - Ask them.
-我说吧! -很好 - That's what I'm talking about! - I'm so proud of you. Good job.
同性恋? What up, homes?
你们表现得太好了 You guys were great out there.
谢谢,我是吉米 Thanks. I'm Jimmy.
我知道,凯蒂 I know. Katie.
我知道 I know.
我喜欢你的钮釦 I like your buttons.
吉米,来吧,要报分数了 Jimmy, come on. The scores are up.
-祝你好运 -你也是 - Good luck. - You, too.
他们蛮厉害的 Did you see that? They were actually pretty good.
对,真厉害,太棒了 Yeah, they were really good. Way to go.
那些动作你都没拍到 None of what they did was on your video.
不要受他们影响 That's all right. Let's not let them get into our heads.
受他们影响?我们羞辱了马基马克 Into our head? Not only did we embarrass Marky Mark,
让方基邦基失望 we let down the Funky Bunch.
5?9,5?8,6?0! ... 5. 9, 5. 9, 5. 8, 6.0!
我们要进军蒙特娄! - Yes! Yes! - Oh, my gosh!
We're going to Montreal, bitch!
这个激情的选手台现在充满欢笑 Well, it's all smiles here in the Crest kiss and cry area.
大家都在说你们两个,感觉如何? You're the guys everybody's talking about. How does it feel?
有这个机会再度上场比赛... You know, we're just so grateful for this wonderful opportunity
我们充满感激 to be out here on the ice again...
麦可斯和麦克罗伊 是地狱来的载货火车 Michaels and MacElroy are a freight train from hell, okay?
史考特,我们会让大家好看 We're going straight up the ass of the competition, Scott.
我不想欢呼,但是哇! I'm not gonna say wow, but wow!
他们靠百分之97的肾上腺素 和百分之3的鬼扯 They got by on 97 percent adrenaline and three percent bullshit.
想拿金牌,他们要有惊人的演出 If they wanna take home the gold, they gotta do something spectacular.
我知道你在想什麽 Robert, I know where this is going.
同样的错你要犯几次? How many times do you have to make the same mistake?
直到我做对为止,杰西,相信我 Till I get it right. You gotta trust me, Jesse.
我不要一辈子都活在恐惧的牢笼中 I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in a cage of fear.
早上的开始,太美了 Top of the morning. And it is a beaut.
不要这样好吗?我正在吃早餐 Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here.
我以为你想看看滑冰选手的体格 Just thought you'd like to see what a skater's body really looks like.
来吧,尽量看,不要害羞 Go ahead, drink it in. Don't be shy.
看兔费,但摸就要钱 Looking's for free. Touching's gonna cost you something.
看我的刺青? Checking out my ink?
有人叫我纹身人 Some people refer to me as the Illustrated Man.
每个刺青都有不同的故事 就像我生命的章节 Each tattoo tells a different tale. They're like chapters of my life.
真的?那个是什麽? Really? So, what's that one about?
那个代表龙女 你可能听过,就是关颖珊 That one represents the dragon lady. You might know her as Michelle Kwan.
那是关颖珊? 美国史上动作最美的花式滑冰选手? That's Michelle Kwan, most decorated figure skater in US history?
-你上过她? -对 - You tapped that? - Sure did.
但追求完美会逼疯一个女人 But perfection can drive a woman mad.
她当时准备要放弃了,高挂冰鞋... She was ready to quit, hang up her skates
安顿下来生几个小孩 settle down and pop out a few little Chazzlings.
我不能让她这麽做,那不是我的作风 I couldn't let her do it, not the way I roll.
那个骑马的呢? So, what's that one with the horse?
我的乌克兰魔女 My blonde Ukrainian she-devil.
不会是奥克桑娜吧? Not Oksana Baiul?
16岁夺得金牌,转战职业赛... At 16, she won the gold, turned pro,
1994年当选芭芭拉华特最欣赏的人 and was named one of Barbara Walters' most fascinating persons of 1994.
对,但别被她骗了 Yeah. But don't let her fool you. She's as cold as the ice she skates on.
她冷若冰霜,就像乾冰 等等,她比乾冰还冷 She's like dry ice. Wait. She's colder than that.
-什麽比乾冰冷? -我不知道 - What's colder than dry ice? - I don't know.
我告诉你,奥克桑娜 I'll tell you what is. Oksana.
肩膀上那个呢? What about that one on your shoulder? Who's that?
那个?那个没什麽 That one? It's nothing.
你呢?有刺青吗? What about you? You got any tats?
有一年在蓝莓嘉年华会上彩绘脸部 I had my face painted at the Blueberry Festival one year.
蛮像你的 Seems about right.
我可以弄个刺青,我有一个很猛的 Well, I could have one. I could have a killer one.
我喜欢对手凯蒂凡华丁堡 I have a crush on the enemy, Katie Van Waldenberg.
好 Good choice, my man.
禁忌的爱,怎麽样? Yeah. How's that for forbidden love?
我不知道,但我想弄清楚 I have no idea, but I'd like to find out.
-你要干嘛? -我要打电话给她,不,是你 - Wait. What are you doing? - I'm calling her. Or rather, you are.
不!我办不到,太疯狂了 - I can't do that. It's crazy. - It's not crazy.
我要说什麽? What am I supposed to say?
-不,我办不到 -通了,来吧 - No, you can't. I can't. - It's ringing. Go.
-对不起 -也许是耐吉 - Sorry. - Maybe it's Nike.
凡华丁堡公司 Van Waldenberg Companies.
说啊,放轻鬆 Talk. Relax.
嗨,我是吉米麦克罗伊,凯蒂在吗? Hi. It's Jimmy MacElroy. Is Katie there?
麦克罗伊要找她 It's MacElroy, for her.
什麽?找我?为什麽? What? For me? Why?
-我办不到 -我会教你 - I can't do it. - I'll coach you. Get on the phone.
Stranz?
喂? Hello?
「嗨,是我麦猛男,你好」 Okay. "Yo. It's the Mac attack. What up?"
嗨,是我麦克猛男,你好 Yo. Hi. It's the Mac attack. What up?
好,说： 「哦,老天 我刚洗完澡出来」 Okay. Say, "Oh, my, you're just catching me getting out of the shower."
-捧捧自己 -安静好吗? - Sell yourself. - Will you be quiet?
你知道 我刚洗完澡出来 You know, you just caught me getting out of the shower.
-她刚洗完澡 -我喜欢 - She just got out of the shower. - Oh, me likey.
-我等一下再打 -不!你疯了吗? - I have to call her back. This is so rude. - No! Are you insane?
继续讲,说： 「洗澡」? - She's gonna hear you. - Get back on the phone. Say, "Shower?
「我也该洗个澡 因为我刚从健身房... "I gotta get me one of those 'cause I just got back from the gym
练完弓箭跨步回来」 "doing my squat thrusts."
我要...对,洗澡,我要洗个澡... I gotta... Yeah, shower. I need one of those
因为我刚从健身房练完弓箭跨步回来 'cause I just got back from the gym doing my squat thrusts.
弓箭跨步一定很难,非常难 "Squat thrusts must be hard, real hard."
弓箭跨步很难 Squat thrusts are hard.
-“非常难” -非常难 - "Real hard." - Real hard.
对,很难,但大腿酸痛的感觉很值得 "They're hard, all right. But it's worth it to get a sweet burn deep in your thigh."
但大腿酸痛的感觉很值得 It's worth it to get a deep burn in my sweet thighs.
「你知道要怎麽舒缓酸痛吗? "You know how you can soothe a nasty burn?
「敷上甜奶油」 "Pour some sweet cream on it."
你知道要怎麽舒缓酸痛吗? Do you know what you can do for a burn?
敷上甜奶油 Pour sweet cream on it.
哦,我的天,你找到一头野猫 Oh, my God, you've bagged a wild lynx.
说： 「听起来你的奶油 需要好好搅拌」然后... Okay, say, "Sounds to me like your cream needs to be whipped",
and then go...
不知道你想不想找个时间去吃冰? I was wondering if you wanted to get a snow cone sometime?
What?
好,我喜欢 Yeah. I would like to get a snow cone.
我两年没吃了 I haven't had a snow cone in a couple of years, actually.
要性感一点 No, you have to be sexy.
说你要冰柱 Say you want a snow boner. Snow boner.
好,今晚八点,好 8:00 tonight. That sounds great.
「让我有时间除胸毛」 It will "get me time to get my jugs waxed."
好,今晚见 Okay. Well, I'll see you.
怎麽啦?她说什麽? What happened? What's the word?
今晚八点,我们办到了! 8:00 tonight. We did it!
哦,我的天! Oh, my God!
举得好 Nice lift.
好,听著,你们在全国选拔赛 勉强过关 All right, listen up. You guys barely squeaked by at Nationals.
我们要怎麽赢过... How are we gonna compete against teams
训练多年的团体? that have been doing this for years?
只有一个方法 There's only one way.
好,你们有什麽是别的队伍没有的? Okay. What do you guys have that none of the other teams have?
-两根棒子 -没错 - Twin dongs? - Exactly.
我们要做出两个男的才做得到的动作 We have to do something that only two men can do together.
之前没有人看过 Something never seen before.
杰西,放带子 Jesse, put in the tape.
杰西,快,放带子 Come on. Put in the tape, Jesse.
谢谢 Thank you.
吉米,我没跟你说过 我以前是双人滑冰教练 Jimmy, I never told you this before, but I used to coach pairs.
我就要获得训练奥运代表队的机会 I was on track to head up the Olympic squad.
我好想要这个机会 所以我发明了一个动作 I wanted it badly, so I developed a move.
一个全世界没看过的动作 A move the likes of which the world had never seen before.
一个具革命性又危险的动作... A move so revolutionary, so dangerous
能将双人组合送上冠军宝座 that it would have catapulted the team that stuck it straight to the top.
就像许多革命性的想法... And like many revolutionary ideas,
这个动作把大家吓坏了 it just scared the shit out of the establishment.
所以我辞职 So I quit.
我把这个动作带到一个 疯狂到愿意尝试的地方 And I took it to the one place on earth batshit crazy enough to give it a try.
北韩 North Korea.
当然 Of course.
就在竹幕后面,他们叫它... Behind the Bamboo Curtain, they call it
「铁莲花」 "The Iron Lotus."
看看动作多美多优雅 Look at the grace, the beauty.
他们几乎办到了,但是... They almost have it, until...
哦,我的天 Oh, my gosh.
好,怎麽样,要不要试试看? Okay. What do you say, let's give it a try?
-你疯了吗? -什麽?这太疯狂了 - Are you nuts? - What? That's crazy.
你们在说什麽? Come on, what are you talking about?
经过这麽多年,我知道错在哪裡 See, after all these years, I know what went wrong.
力学不对 The physics were off.
他们是一男一女,所以办不到 It was a man and a woman, that's why it didn't work.
你们是两个男的,应该可以 You're two men. You should be fine.
警告你们,要尊敬铁莲花 Be warned. The Iron Lotus demands your respect.
却斯,你不能再当孤独的狼 She has no time for lone wolves, Chazz.
吉米,你要能即兴演出 Jimmy, you've gotta be willing to improvise.
你们是最后两块拼图 You two are the last pieces of the puzzle.
来吧!拼起来! Go on! Fit them together!
加速 Keep your speed up.
加速! Keep it up!
吉米!腿不要弯! Jimmy! Don't let your legs buckle!
快,却斯,专注!专注! Come on, Chazz, focus! Focus!
我的卵蛋! My nut-sack!
小心,我跟你不一样,这两颗有用的 You gotta be careful, man. Unlike you, I actually use these things.
是吗?那...好... Oh, yeah? Well...
你说得对,我下次会小心点 Well, well, yeah, you're right. I'll try to be more careful next time.
对不起 Sorry.
我无意讨论你的卵蛋 Look, I didn't mean to drag your balls into the discussion.
没有必要这样说 我没事,我反应过度了 That was uncalled for. They're fine, I overreacted.
好,两位,起来继续练习 All right, gentlemen, let's get up and try it again.
来吧 Let's do this.
从小到大我最喜欢这裡 This was my favorite place growing up.
哦,你很漂亮 By the way, you look really nice.
真的?我喜欢你的发光牙齿项鍊 Oh, really? I like your glitter-tooth necklace thing.
谢谢 Oh, thanks.
弗伊,再给我一个蓝色的好吗? Foy, can I have another blue one?
全国选拔赛你们表现得真好 把我哥和我姐吓坏了 You guys were so good at Nationals, it scared my brother and sister.
-他们要我监视你们 -真的? - They wanted me to spy on you. - Really?
所以你才同意跟我约会? Is that why you're going out with me right now?
不! No!
真的 Really.
我不在乎他们的输赢,我不在乎滑冰 I don't care if they win. I don't care about skating at all.
滑冰有什麽好? I mean, really, what's so great about skating, anyway?
不过就是滑来滑去表演两个跳跃... It's basically just gliding, trying not to fall,
试著不要摔倒 with a couple of jumps thrown in, right?
还有紧身衣、亮片,自大狂 And Spandex and glitter. Egos.
冰有什麽好 Ice blows.
对不起 Sorry.
但重点不是冰,是能在冰上做什麽 But it's not the ice. It's what the ice lets you do.
在冰上我觉得要做什麽都可以 Out there, I feel like I can do anything.
只有在冰上我的人生才有意义 It's the only place where life makes sense.
你没滑过冰? You've never skated?
小时候滑过一点点 When I was a kid, a little.
我哥和我姐不喜欢 别人偷走他们的焦点 But my brother and sister don't like anyone to steal their focus.
我的一生只有焦点 My life was nothing but focus.
你知道我十岁的生日礼物是什麽吗? You know what I got for my tenth birthday?
六瓶蛋白雪克饮料和男士健康杂志 A six-pack of protein shakes and a subscription to Men's Health.
我没过十岁生日 I didn't have a tenth birthday.
我姐跟我朋友说我持枪抢劫被关起来 My sister told all my friends I was in jail for armed robbery.
九岁时我爸坚持要我割包皮... When I was nine, my dad insisted on having me circumcised
好降低风阻 to minimize wind resistance.
我爸妈载我去上滑冰课时出车祸死了 While driving me to skating practice, my parents were in a fatal accident.
我哥和我姐把错推给我... My brother and sister blame me for their death
逼我做他们的奴隶 and they force me to work for them like a slave.
哇 Wow.
我从来没想过那个故事很浪漫 I never really thought of that as a romantic story before.
你的约会如何? 你的燻肠有没有机会破冰? So, how'd it go with your lady? Carve up any ice with your wiener?
好,女士们,派对结束了 All right, ladies, tea party's over.
离蒙特娄大赛还有两天 我要看到铁莲花 We got two days till Montreal. I wanna see an Iron Lotus.
好,再试一次 Okay, try it again.
你会杀了他!小心冰刀! You're gonna kill him! Watch the blade!
拜託! Come on!
再试一次! Try it again!
再来一次,我很接近了 One more. I'm really close.
欢迎收看奥比兹世界冬季运动会... Hello, and welcome, everyone, to the Orbitz World Wintersport Games
就在美丽的加拿大蒙特娄 here in beautiful Montreal, Canada.
第二十届世界冬季运动会
现在全世界的焦点 都在这个冰上神殿... The world turns its eyes now to this frozen sanctuary
因为全世界最优秀的选手 都来此角逐... as the globe's finest athletes arrive to compete
并展现运动光采 and to revel in the glory that is sport.
现在我们很荣幸带给大家... And so, now we are honored to bring you the wonder, pageantry,
惊异、壮丽、缤纷的 and spectacle of these, the 20th World Wintersport Games.
第二十届世界冬季运动会
你是不是曾经说过,引述... Didn't you once say, and I quote,
「冰上的吉米麦克罗伊 就像没有生命的机器人?」 "Jimmy MacElroy is a lifeless robot on the ice"?
-他绝对不会... -对,我说过 - He would never say such a... - Yes, I did.
但我指的是机器人的准确之美 But I was referring to the precision and beauty of robots.
如果他们刊登全文... If they'd published the rest of the quote...
他们刊登了,你还说... They did publish the rest of your quote. You go on to say,
「我裤头的线头... "I've had lint at the top of my ass crack
「都比这个爸爸的小孩还有个性」 "with more personality than that Daddy's boy." End quote.
好,聪明的记者先生,爱现 All right, Mr. Smart Reporter, showing off.
你知道怎麽用搜寻引擎 You figured out how to work the Google on the Internet machine.
给你一段新的引言 Well, here's a new quote for you, all right?
却斯麦可斯和吉米麦克罗伊 就代表花式滑冰 Chazz Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy are figure skating. Boom!
Boom!
双人组合让你们更受欢迎吗? Jimmy! Has pairs skating helped your popularity?
当然,我有全世界最好的粉丝 Absolutely. I have the best fans in the world.
我是说我们有全世界最好的粉丝 I mean, we have the best fans in the world.
不,你走错房间了 No, that's in the other room.
问得好,我们会全力以赴
Boom.
Nice.
太棒了!媒体喜欢他们 现在赞助商也是 Great! Press loves them, and now so do the sponsors.
凯蒂,看来你那天晚上的约会 进行得很顺利 Stranz!
So, Katie, it looks like your date went really well the other night, huh?
什麽?我想是吧,干嘛? What? I guess so. Why?
没什麽,只想知道进行得顺利吗? No reason. I was just wondering how it went. Did it go well?
-对,我们一起吃冰 -太棒了,然后我们... - Yeah, we had snow cones... - Oh, that's so great.
你要把焦点放在却斯身上 We want you to turn your attention to Chazz now.
什麽? What?
麦克罗伊的心就像你手上漂亮的苹果 MacElroy's heart is like a beautiful apple that's in your hand
现在你要咬一口 and now you need to bite it.
-要破坏双人组合没什麽比... -疱疹 - Nothing breaks up a team faster than... - Herpes.
忌妒更有用 Jealousy.
不,我不要让却斯爱上我 No. I'm not gonna make Chazz Michael Michaels
爱?你要和却斯上床 fall in love with me.
Who's talking about love? We just want you to have sex with him.
什麽?不!我不要和却斯上床 What? No! I am not gonna have sex with Chazz.
拜託,凯蒂,做点让人尊敬的事 Come on, Katie. Do the honorable thing here.
掉头就走才会让人尊敬 我现在就要走 The honorable thing is to walk away and that is exactly what I'm doing.
史坦兹,让她走,没关係 她下定决心了 Okay. Stranz, let her go. It's okay. She's made up her mind.
我们就进行第二个计划 We'll just move on to Plan B.
-是什麽? -对不起,别担心 - What's Plan B? - I'm sorry, don't worry about that.
你表明立场 很好,我们尊重你的决定 You stood your ground. Good for you. We respect that.
如果你男友的脚出了什麽差错... But if something should happen to your new boyfriend's leg,
我不知道,膝盖以下或脚踝以上... I don't know, under his knee, or above his ankle?
至少你做了让人尊敬的事 At least you did the honorable thing.
-你要去哪裡? -性瘾会议 - Where're you going? - Sex addicts meeting.
-「把弱点化为力量」 -很好 - "Turn weakness into strength." - Good for you.
谢啦,兄弟,有个愉快的一晚 Thanks, brother man. Have a good night.
再见! See ya!
这一定是给你的 This must be for you.
吉米,午夜到我房间,凯蒂留
很高兴大家都在这裡 So glad you're all here.
性瘾祈祷文 Okay, let's get started.
我们开始吧
却斯,你先开始好吗? Chazz, would you like to start the day off by sharing?
我当时只想找到一点平静 I was just trying to find some peace.
一个避难所 一个我觉得安全的地方 A haven, a place where I could feel safe.
然后呢? And then what happened?
她是我的瑜珈老师 Well, she was my yoga instructor.
我知道她很柔软 So I knew she was limber.
但是却斯,你知道 这样会让你前功尽弃... But, Chazz, you realize this would just set you back
而且阻碍你的进展... and further hurt your progress
让你无法控制自己的性慾,对吗? in maintaining control over your libido, correct?
对,谢谢,泰勒 Yes. Thank you, Taylor.
一点都没错 Definitely.
直到她朋友 一个按摩治疗师走进来一丝不挂 Until her friend, a massage therapist, walked in the door naked.
却斯,放轻鬆 Easy, Chazz.
拿了一大罐玉米油... With a big bottle of canola oil
还有一隻受过训练 会拍录影带的猴子 and a monkey who was trained to work on a video camera.
她让我神魂颠倒 And she rocked my world.
大伙儿! Guys!
却斯,我之前要你离开过 我不想再那样 Chazz, I have asked you to leave before and I don't wanna do it again.
泰勒,拜託 Taylor, come on, man.
我们继续吧,谁要谈谈性病? Let's just move on. Who'd like to talk about Chlamydia?
梅毒、淋病之类的,我们... Syphilis, gonorrhea, et cetera. Should we...
嗨,对不起,我迟到了 我刚在... Hi. I'm sorry I'm late. I was
性交,很忙 having sex. A lot.
欢迎,欢迎 Welcome. Welcome.
自我介绍好吗? Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself?
我认识她 I know her.
我是凯蒂 I'm Katie.
然后? And?
我有性瘾 Oh, and I'm a sex addict.
嗨,凯蒂 Hi, Katie.
嘿,凯蒂 Hey, Katie.
你也有性瘾 Wow, so, you're a sex addict, too.
性,性,性,要怎麽说? Sex, sex, sex. What can I say?
对,你一语道破,真是好大的负担 Right. Right. I mean, you said it all. It's such a burden.
大家不了解我们每天经历的挣扎 I mean, people don't realize what we go through on a day-to-day basis.
今晚到我房间,我们可以互相安慰 Why don't you come to my room tonight and we can comfort each other?
11点55分 11:55 sharp.
拜託,大伙儿,分开! Come on, people, break it up!
上帝请赐我平静... 别让我跟我朋友的女友上床... God grant me the serenity not to have sex with my friend's girlfriend
赐我勇气,今晚回家 不要跟她上床... the courage to go home tonight without having sex with my friend's girlfriend
赐我智慧 了解有时候手淫... and the wisdom to know that masturbation
是最明智的解决方式 is sometimes the most sensible solution.
对,好 Yeah. Okay.
哦,老天 Oh, sweet Jesus.
你真准时,进来 You're right on time. Come in.
要不要香槟? Would you like some champagne?
不,不行,我... No, I can't, I...
我有话要告诉你 Actually I just came by 'cause I had something I had to say to you.
干嘛? What?
你有没有浴袍或风衣 可以先屁上...披上... Do you have a bathrobe or a parka you could...
对不起,我很热 Sorry. I'm hot.
坐在床上说... Wouldn't you feel more comfortable
会不会舒服一点? saying what you need to say from the bed?
可能不会 Probably not.
这有「疗背效果」 It's a Posturepedic.
既然这样,对我的背好 Well, then, in that case, it's good for my back,
我就试试看 so might as well try it.
好,我要说了 Okay, here it goes.
我知道性瘾是种病 I know that sex, I know that sex addiction is a disease.
哦,老天,感觉真好 Oh, God, they feel so good.
哦,老天,这样不对 Oh, God, this is so wrong.
吉米是我朋友,我不能这样 Jimmy's my friend. I'm not gonna do this.
这是你的真心话吗? Wait. Do you really mean that?
对,我想是吧,不 Yes, I think so. No.
对,没错 我不能这样做 Yes, I do. I do. I can't go through with this.
感谢上帝 Thank God.
-哦,上帝,真是解脱 -对 - Oh, God, what a relief. - Yeah.
他有黄金般的心肠 He's got a heart of gold.
你这个性变态!性恶魔! You sex demon! You, you sex fiend!
不,你误会了 No, you got it all wrong.
淫秽!淫秽! Impure! Impure!
-吉米,等等! -兄弟! - Jimmy, wait! - Hey, wait! Brother man!
我们没有怎麽样! - Nothing happened! - Jimmy!
等等!吉米! Wait! Jimmy!
-走开! -吉米!不!该死 - Get away! - Jimmy! No!
拜託,接电话 Damn it.
兄弟,接电话 Come on, pick up. Come on, buddy.
嘿,我是吉米,有梦想就办得到 Hey, it's Jimmy. If you can dream it, you can do it.
吉米,是我却斯 Jimmy, it's me, Chazz.
听著,刚刚发生的事,没什麽大不了 Look, what happened back there, so not a big deal.
就当成是,我跟你女友的咪咪握手 Just think of it as like a boob handshake between me and your lady's...
听著,这样说不对 我会解释,请回电 Look, that's not coming out right. I'll explain it. Call me back, please.
是我却斯 It's me, Chazz.
我坚持我们的友谊 I'm committed to this thing called friendship.
我哪裡也不会去 And I ain't going nowhere.
如果你以为我要去哪裡 那你就错了,你知道为什麽 And if you think I'm going anywhere, you're wrong. You know why?
因为我不会让步,永远不会! Because I will not back down, ever!
我赢过很多电台比赛 因为我拒绝挂电话! I've won a lot of radio contests, because I refused to get off the line!
如果我们参加万圣节派对 扮成蝙蝠侠和罗宾... If we went to a Halloween party dressed as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin.
我当罗宾就好 你对我就是那麽重要 That's how much you mean to me.
这样说真蠢,不 That was stupid that I said that. You know what? No.
我不觉得那有什麽蠢 我很高兴自己那样说 I don't think that's stupid. I'm glad that I said that.
嘿,臭小子 Hey, turd-face, guess what?
我把你所有泰迪熊... I've taken every single one of your teddy bears,
塞在我的裤子裡 and I've stuffed them down my pants.
嘿,哎哟,对不起 Hey, yikes. Sorry.
一个月来,我的尿有棉花糖的味道 For about a month, my urine smelled like marshmallows.
不想闭上眼睛 Don't wanna close my eyes
不想睡著 因为我想你,吉米 Don't wanna fall asleep 'Cause I miss you Jimmy
我不要错过什麽 And I don't wanna miss a thing
立刻回电给我! So call me back now!
我是吉米,有梦想就办得到 It's Jimmy. If you can dream it, you can do it.
嘿,又是我 吉米,拜託,回我电话,让我解释 Hey, it's me again. Jimmy, please, call me back, so I can explain.
哇,干得好,看来有人很忙 Wow! Nice work. Somebody got busy in a big way.
犯罪现场 Scene of the crime.
告诉你们,我没有跟却斯上床 For your information, I didn't have sex with Chazz.
好, 「做爱」 Fine. "Make love." Whatever.
我没有跟却斯睡觉 I didn't sleep with Chazz.
-什麽? -但是恭喜你们! - What? - But congratulations!
-我觉得就像跟他上过床 -你要去哪裡? - I feel as slimy as if I had. - Where do you think you're going?
把事情讲清楚!吉米要知道真相! To make this right! Jimmy needs to know the truth!
你不顾自己的家人? You would do that to your own family?
少来罪恶感那一套 Don't give me that guilt trip.
不顾我们为你的付出? 看看你把爸妈怎麽啦? After all we've done for you? After all you did to Mom and Dad?
爸妈没繫安全带... Mom and Dad were not wearing their seatbelts
他们不当左转 and they made an improper left-hand turn.
拜託,凯蒂,不要走,我们爱你 Come on, Katie, don't go. We love you and stuff.
听著,要靠自己了好吗? Look, it's up to us, okay?
我们不能让麦可斯 和麦克罗伊参加比赛... We are forced to take Michaels and MacElroy out of play, no matter what.
不管代价是什麽,可能得使坏 That might require some bad behavior.
欢迎来到第三天的 奥比兹世界冬季运动会 Hello, and welcome to day three of the Orbitz World Wintersport Games.
最优秀的中国 和苏俄双人组合纷纷落败... The best Chinese and Russian pairs have fallen away,
所以金牌的终极之争... setting up the ultimate gold medal showdown.
只剩下两支美国队伍 两队都迫切想获得冠军 Just two pairs remain. Both American. Both hell-bent on reaching the top.
就看今天晚上他们在冰上的表现 And it's come down to this. Tonight, they leave it all on the ice.
最引人注目的是 The big story here is
双人花式滑冰 the men's pairs figure skating team of Michaels and MacElroy.
男子双人组合麦可斯和麦克罗伊
同性别带来的轰动... These same-gendered sensations have taken
赢得千万名粉丝的心 center ice in the hearts of millions of skating fans everywhere.
他们横扫这项运动 They've literally taken this sport by storm.
浑蛋,吉米已经来了 Jimmy.
Jimmy's here at the arena, you ass.
他盯著一包口香糖看了九个小时 你对他做了什麽? He's been staring at a pack of gum for nine hours. What'd you do to him?
我马上到 I'm on my way.
计程车! Taxi!
世界冬季运动会 对,我是却斯麦可麦可斯 World Wintersport Games. And yes, I am Chazz Michael Michaels.
-嘿,史坦兹 -嗨 - Hey, Stranz. - Hi.
滑冰手,请清理场地 准备进行双人滑冰比赛 Skaters, please clear the ice in preparation for the pairs competition.
Thank you so much.
哦,我的天,你... Oh, my gosh. Can you...
对不起,却斯,这不是个人恩怨 Sorry, Chazz. Nothing personal.
其实刚好相反 Actually, it's quite the opposite.
你在镁光灯下的日子已经结束了 See, your days of stealing the spotlight are over.
你这个疯狂的浑蛋! You crazy bastard!
该死 Damn it.
你在干什麽? What are you doing?
你这个恶魔!超级恶魔 You are evil. Pure evil!
你们一家都是! Your whole family's evil! Your brother.
你哥,尤其是你妹 And most of all, your sister.
我们可不一样 Don't even think about putting us in the same league.
如果她有我一半的女人味 她就会听我的话... If she was half the woman I was, she would have done her job
跟你的搭档上床 and slept with your partner like I told her to.
-她没有? -没有 - She didn't? - No.
她办不到,因为你 She couldn't, because of you.
我不懂 I don't get it.
噁心,让我离开这裡!谁来救我! Gross. Get me out of here! Somebody help me!
不管绳子是谁发明的,他是浑蛋 Whoever invented rope was a real a-hole.
对不起,妹,我延误了 我的头髮就是弄不好 I'm late, sis. My hair is just not cooperating.
哦,该死 Oh, crap.
好 Okay.
却斯,现在谁能救你? Who's gonna save you now, Chazz?
小麦克罗伊会来跟你碰面吗? Is Little Lord MacElroy gonna come and meet you down here?
太好了 Oh, great.
嘿!你在干什麽? Hey, there!
不,等等,没关係,不 What are you doing there? No. Wait, wait. It's okay. No.
陌生人危险! Stranger danger! Stranger danger!
不,拜託! No, please!
却斯,来吧! Let's do it, Chazz!
好,史坦兹,看看我却斯的厉害 All right, Stranz. Time for a little Chazzle Dazzle.
漂亮 Beautiful.
我来了,却斯 I'm coming, Chazz.
拉我一把 Give me your hand.
-我不会伤害你 -却斯,我来了! - I won't hurt you. - I'm coming for you, Chazz!
该死,史坦兹 Damn it, Stranz.
有没有看见吉米?我找不到他 Have you seen Jimmy? I can't find him anywhere.
他刚刚还在这裡 Oh, yeah. He was here a minute ago.
叫他给我过来 And if you find him, would you tell him to get his ass down here?
我真的很感激 I really appreciate this.
那个傢伙想杀我,谢谢 That man who's chasing us is trying to kill me. So, thanks.
你扮演谁?罗德史林? Who are you supposed to be anyway? Rod Serling?
约翰甘迺迪 JFK.
-到时候就知道 -不,不,很好,对 - It's gonna make sense. - No, no, no. It'll be fine. Yeah.
真逊 That's lame.
看你过得来吗! Try to get through that!
不要逼我杀了她 Don't make me kill her.
雪花! Snowflake!
来自美国的... From the United States,
双人组合史坦兹和菲儿凡华丁堡 the pairs team of Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg.
大家最喜欢的史坦兹 和菲儿现在来到冰上 So, the favorites, Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg
now taking the ice.
化身玛丽莲梦露和约翰甘迺迪 As Marilyn Monroe and JFK,
他们要将一段禁忌的爱戏剧化 they'll be dramatizing a forbidden romance, Jim.
我很荣幸自己是土生土长的柏林人 I take pride in the words, "Ich bin ein Berliner!"
美国双人组合麦可斯和麦克罗伊... Calling for preparation on ice of the United States team
请到冰上准备 of Michaels and MacElroy.
这样诠释美国历史很有趣 Well, that was an interesting take on American history.
没错,我想应该提一下 Indeed. I think it's worth noting,
这一对双人组合在细节上的表现 the fantastic attention to detail this pair has demonstrated.
道具的使用与编舞配合得完美无缺... An absolutely seamless use of props integrated into choreography,
两位在肢体与美感的表现 都让人印象深刻 that is both physically impressive and artistically moving.
滑冰史上少见的芭蕾舞演出 A rare ballet of ice and history.
史坦兹与菲儿 6.0,5.9,6.0,5.9,6.0,6.0 And those scores keep Stranz and Fairchild in first place,
那样的分数让这两位选手暂居领先...
接下来是麦可斯和麦克罗伊 but Michaels and MacElroy are up next.
教练!教练!我赶上了吗?却斯呢? Coach! Coach! Did I make it in time? Where's Chazz?
你到哪裡去了? Where the hell you been?
你的搭档如果30秒内没到 你们就失去参赛资格 Your partner's not here in 30 seconds, I have to disqualify you.
我知道,我们完了,就这样 I know, I know.
结束了,该死,就这样 We're finished. Done. That's it. It's over. Damn it. Just like that.
教练,他会来的 Coach, he'll be here.
选手请到冰上 Skaters to the ice.
再20秒就失去参赛资格 Twenty seconds to disqualification.
吉米麦克罗伊一个人站在冰上... Jimmy MacElroy stands alone at center ice.
让人忍不住想出了什麽事 And you have to wonder what is going on.
这就像蒙大拿没有米 Well, this is Rice without Montana.
阿里没有弗雷泽,韩索罗没有秋巴卡 Ali without Frazier. Han Solo without Chewbacca.
吉米! Jimmy!
嘿,吉米!吉米! Hey, Jimmy! Jimmy!
却斯! Chazz!
嘿,我没有跟凯蒂上床! Hey, I didn't sleep with Katie!
-我知道! -我们连二垒都没上 - I know! - We didn't even get to second base.
也许我上了 Well, maybe I did.
我裤子裡有很奇怪的感觉,很丢脸 What I felt in my pants was weird and shameful.
我们等一下再说! Okay, we can discuss that later!
你要马上下来... You kind of have to be down here right now
不然我们就失去参赛资格! or we're gonna be disqualified!
凯蒂不是荡妇! Katie is not a whore!
好,我知道!不要再说了! Okay, I get it! Just stop talking!
好!好! Okay! Okay!
选手请到冰上 - Skaters to the ice. - Hold on!
再过十秒就失去参赛资格 Ten seconds to disqualification.
Wow.
耶! Yeah!
却斯麦可麦可斯戏剧化进场 Wow! A dramatic entrance for Chazz Michael Michaels.
我没事! I'm okay!
我很好! I'm all right!
我没事... I'm okay.
这是麦可斯另一个独特的技巧 And there's another unique Michaels skill.
如果有必要很快就能换好衣服 Out of his clothes in a hurry when he has to.
女子滑冰冠军莎夏柯恩 And women's skating champion
拿到他的护档带 Sasha Cohen catches Michaels'jock strap.
却斯,我爱你! I love you, Chazz!
蒙特娄,世界冬季大赛
-我赶到了 -我知道你会 - I made it. - I knew you would.
让我们捕捉梦想吧 Let's capture the dream.
捕捉...我喜欢,你怎麽想到的? Capture the... I love it. Where'd you come up with that?
-我不知道 -酷 - I have no idea where I came up with it. - Cool.
-来吧 -好 - Let's kick some ice. - Okay.
史考特,他们今晚的主题 似乎与科幻小说有关 Well, Scott, the boys seem to be using a science fiction theme tonight.
很切合,想想他们两个 可能代表这项运动的未来 Fitting, considering these two men may very well be the future of the sport.
就像两个男人从外太空发光... Well, I'll tell you something, Jim.
It's like these two men did beam in from outer space,
彻底颠覆这个运动 to flip this sport inside out.
灯亮了,观众也欢呼起来 The lights are on and so is this crowd.
选用冥河合唱团的歌曲 A Mr. Roboto to start the routine.
漂亮的互撞动作! And they hit it beautifully!
他们的每个动作都充满戏剧性 Everything they do is drenched in drama.
冰刀擦出火花 Side-by-side skate clashes.
更多火花!看看这裡的运动精神! And more sparks! Look at the athleticism here!
没有任何双人组合做得到! No other pair in the world could do this!
在蒙特娄放烟火 Fireworks display in Montreal.
太惊人了 Incredible.
你在干嘛? What are you doing?
我们自由表演 你是牛排,我是嘶嘶作响的声音 We're freestyling. You're the steak, I'm the sizzle.
我们没有练习那一段 We didn't practice that.
为了凯蒂,用你的热火在冰上燃烧 Do it for Katie. Burn up the ice with your red hot love.
麦可斯和麦克罗伊为比赛加温 Michaels and MacElroy turn up the thermostat.
他们让比赛大有看头 These guys put the "bone" in Zamboni.
完了 It's over.
所有的赞助,全都完了 All the endorsements, everything gone.
我找不到真正的工作,我毁了 Oh, my God, I can't get a real job. It'll kill me.
老天,这个家什麽都要靠我 God, I have to do everything in this family.
一个严重的失足 破坏原本完美的动作 A serious stumble in an otherwise perfect routine.
只有完美演出他们才能打败 史坦兹和菲儿 Perfection's what they need if they want to beat Stranz and Fairchild.
-我的脚踝骨折了 -什麽? - I think I broke my ankle. - What?
我用力看看 I'm gonna put some weight on it to see.
这种形意舞蹈动作 I don't know, Scott. I'm not sure, interpretive dance moves
无法赢得评审的青睐 are gonna win these judges over.
-他们在干嘛? -出问题了 - What the hell are they doing? - Something's wrong.
脚踝骨折我无法表演铁莲花 I can't do the Lotus with a shattered ankle.
老天,我只是个平凡人 I'm just a man, for God's sake.
我们交换位置 We'll switch places.
我对天发誓,如果你把我的头切掉... I swear to God, if you cut my head off.
他们要表演铁莲花,但互换位置 They're going for the Iron Lotus, in reverse.
老天,悲剧又要重演 My God. This is happening all over again.
他们加快速度准备接下来的精采演出 They're picking up speed for something spectacular.
他们可能尝试 Looks like they might be trying something
我从没见过的动作 I have never seen done.
传说中的铁莲花 It is the fabled Iron Lotus.
不!不要那样!那样不对! 那是自杀行为! No! Don't do it! I was wrong! It's suicide!
他们办到了!不可思议的演出! And they nail it! Unbelievable performance!
观众为之疯狂!他们都站起来了! This crowd is going wild! They're on their feet!
我没想过会亲眼看见 传说中的铁莲花! I never thought I'd see it with my own eyes, the fabled Iron Lotus!
历史的一刻就在蒙特娄 A historic event here in Montreal.
麦可斯和麦克罗伊为传奇注入生命 Michaels and MacElroy have brought the legend to life.
史考特,我好像尿裤子了 Scott, I seem to have wet my pants.
却斯,我们办到了! Chazz, Chazz. We did it!
-我们赢了吗? -我不知道 - Did we win? - I don't know.
我想我看到圣母玛莉 I think I see the Virgin Mary.
不,那个不是她 No. That's not her.
麦可斯先生,我们来了 We got you, Mr. Michaels. Let's go.
-我不想死 -不会有事的 - Oh, I don't wanna die. - You'll be okay.
吸气,来 - I don't wanna die. - Take a huff of that. Here we go.
我要剪开你的裤子 I'm gonna have to cut your pants off.
好,但从靠近胯下的地方开始 那裡比较容易下手 Okay, but start up near the crotch. That's a better access point.
你太棒了 You were incredible.
真的?我觉得著地很糟糕 Really? I thought my landing was all bad...
你有练习 You've been practicing.
却斯教我一些东西 Chazz taught me some stuff.
史坦兹凡华丁堡 Stranz Van Waldenberg.
你因亵渎国际商标被捕 You're under arrest for the desecration of an international icon.
雪花 Snowflake.
-都是她,她害他脚踝骨折! -什麽? - It was her idea. She broke his ankle! - What?
你这个白痴! You idiot!
我恨你 I hate you.
来吧,我们走 Come on now. Let's get out of here.
所以我才有性瘾 And that's why I was a sex addict.
因为没有人爱过我 Because no one ever loved me.
但我今天学到了 But I learned something here today.
不该冰冻自己的心 That ice doesn't belong here.
应该敞开心胸 It belongs out there.
在冰上敞开心胸 Out on the ice in an ice rink.
我没有爸爸好吗? I never had a father, okay?
但我不在乎! But I don't care!
因为现在我有弟弟 Because now I've got a brother.
他就是我弟弟! This is my brother!
这是我弟弟新交的女友 And this is my brother's new girlfriend.
她不是荡妇 And she is not a whore.
我好痛,好想吐 I'm in a lot of pain. I feel like I'm gonna barf.
却斯,他们要送你到医院,来吧 Chazz, they got to get you to a hospital. Come on.
不,错过金牌的味道? No. And miss the smell of sweet gold?
除非我死了 Not on your life.
Thank you.
吉米,你办到了! 金牌,宝贝,你办到了! Jimmy, you did it! The gold medal, baby! You did it!
我要裸体挂金牌 I wanna wear the gold medal, naked.
谢谢 Thank you.
我有东西要给你,我上週末刺的 I've got something I wanna show you. I had it done last weekend.
那是你,跟孤独的狼一起奔跑的狼... That's you, the wolf that runs with the Lone Wolf.
所以孤独的狼就不再孤独了 So that the Lone Wolf never has to be alone again.
你对我就是那麽重要 That's how much you mean to me, bro.
你当时喝醉了 You were drunk when you got it, weren't you?
对,醉得一蹋糊涂 Yes. Absolutely hammered.
-欢迎加入 -谢谢 - Welcome to the pack. - Thanks.
我们走吧 Let's get outta here.
-现在? -对 - Now? - Yeah.
美国! USA!
吉米和却斯获得金牌... The gold medal has been won by Jimmy and Chazz,
多亏赫克特! thanks to Hector's idea!
赫克特,我们办到了! We did it, Hector!
没错 Boom! We sure did.
赫克特,谢谢,多亏他 Thank you, Hector. He did it for us.
赫克特呢? Where is Hector?
我在这裡,我们办到了,击掌 Here I am, guys. We did it. High-fives.
酷,恭喜,金牌 Cool. Way to go, guys. Gold medal.
你们最棒了,嘿,吉米? You guys are the best. Hey, Jimmy?
赫克特,怎麽样? Yeah, Hector?
让我跟却斯独处好吗? Can you give me a time-out here with Chazz?
当然,你在哭吗? Yeah, sure. Are you crying?
没有,我很好 No. I'm fine.
好,我要到这裡,夹心饼 Okay. I'll go over here. Sandwich.
嘿,却斯? Hey. Chazz?
干嘛? What is it? Boom.
我只想说,你们现在是搭挡了 I just wanna say you guys are partners now.
我跟他是老朋友 I've been friends with him forever,
你好好照顾他 and you take good care of him.
我会 I will. Boom.
他喜欢吃 He just, he loves food.
他喜欢做梦还有说悄悄话... And he likes dreams and whispers
他最喜欢的电影是《霹雳五号》... and his favorite movie is Short Circuit
还有《油炸绿蕃茄》 and Fried Green Tomatoes.
看著他好吗? And just watch over him. All right?
我会,相信我,击掌 I will. Boom. You have my word. High-five.
上帝保佑你 God bless you.
吉米甜心,你可以回来 Sweet. Jimmy, you can come back.
你们在说什麽? What you guys were talking about?
随便聊聊 Just stuff, you know.
嘿,你们好棒 Hey, guys, you're amazing.
我只想说,要让梦想继续... I just wanna say keep dreaming
因为可以有很多梦想 because there's a lot of dreams to be had.
美国 USA.